Some nights are better than others. Last night I slept fairly deeply but I had disturbing dreams. I dreamt I was trying to climb up a sandy/rocky, steep hill. I could not get a proper hold and the rock kept getting loose.
Later I dreamt I was in a house but I could not get out because it was surrounded by dragons. I kept wanting to go out but even the thought of getting out of the house would bring the dragons to the door.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that on some subconscious level I’m scared, and perhaps daunted by my responsibilities. I woke up sad and depressed.
The grief is still lingering beneath the surface. And sometimes it just erupts. It only lasts for a few seconds, then I manage to control it, and send it back to the depths.
I know it takes time to get over the grief. In the meantime, I pray… and wait. The pain will pass and the world’s beauty will shine through again.
I miss my father.